I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
