I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
