i would punch a child for taco bell
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
