he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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