You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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