he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
