Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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