Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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