you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
