Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
