You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
