i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
