Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
