youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
