I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
