You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
