Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
