you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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