I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
