Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
