the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
