You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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