Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
