i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
