MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
