I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
