I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
