yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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