apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love accidental penises.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
