He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
