I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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