20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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