i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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