Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
