I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
