PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
