Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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