JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
