is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He did a backflip because drugs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
