A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
