she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
