my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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