I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
