ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
