did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hippo gnu deer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
