Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
