I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
