I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
