yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
