Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize