what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
