perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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