Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
