you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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