I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
