Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
