thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize