Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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