I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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