I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize