I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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