how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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