i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
