I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
