Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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