Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
