Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
