I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
