Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
