Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
