if you like me you must not know who I am
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
