I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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