True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
