I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
