We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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