Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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